“Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.”
Yes, parenting is a job. Most people understand that, but I would go so far as saying that raising children is both the greatest honor and the greatest responsibility anyone can assume. What other job in the world provides the opportunity for one or two (preferably two) individuals to literally shape tiny little life forms into adulthood and beyond, guided entirely by what the parents believe is important and right (And there is no required, preferred method or procedure to be followed, at least not as far as the world is concerned)? Parenting is the only job in existence that affords individuals such complete autonomy and control over something that is of limitless potential and value – another human life.
Being a parent is not one thing; It is a million things – large and small, profound and trivial – all working together, creating an amalgamation that will eventually manifest as a completely unique and fully developed adult human. If the parenting job was done well, that human will go forth into society and the world leaving a mark upon humanity that will potentially leave a ripple effect for generations to follow. Whether or not the child’s impact on the world around them is positive or negative, for good or ill, can be and is often determined largely by the direct influence of their parents, as well as the influence of other close family members and the overall home environment.
Not only is raising children a great responsibility and opportunity, but many believe that mothers and fathers have a sacred duty to love, protect, provide for, teach and influence children from a religious perspective. And, in that respect, are we not all literally children of God (or a Higher Power), temporarily entrusted to the care of our earthly parents for a period of time? If your father trusted you with the total care and custody of your younger brothers and sisters, would you not want to do your best in loving, caring for, protecting, teaching, and developing those children? And if the owner of your company entrusted you with the only existing prototype of a unique creation with limitless potential and earning power for the business, wouldn’t you guard it, care for it, and try to develop it as if your very life depended on it?
Well, all of these little lives are depending on us (whether or not we prefer the religious or the secular analogy). Tiny. Little. Humans. We can’t simply add food, add water, and watch them grow. Although, unfortunately, that is what some people do – and some do far less, or even far worse (and God help those).
So, how should we raise these little souls, providing them the absolute best opportunity they can possibly have in this world? Obviously, not all factors are under the direct control of every parent. Some will experience economic challenges while others may be wealthy, for example. Some will experience far greater stress and adversity simply because they were born into one family rather than another. This being the case, how can we help to level the playing field for them? Every child deserves the best possible shot at happiness, growth, and success in this life and all of that begins with parenting throughout the child’s developmental years. Parenting style, family relationships and structure, family traditions, time spent together, etc. etc. Yes, there are biological/genetic predispositions that can play a part in child developments; However, many researchers and other professionals agree that environmental factors are the most important contributors to eventual outcomes for developing children.
Diana Baumrind, a prominent researcher who is behind the parenting style typology widely recognized today, identified authoritative parenting as the preferred parenting style for encouraging the healthy development of children (Successful Marriages and Families p. 105). The parenting principles outlined in The Family Proclamation, issued in 1995 by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, closely coincide with the authoritative parenting style.
Parents should consider seriously the following for each of their children, adapted accordingly for each child:
- Love, warmth, and support
- Clear and reasonable expectations for competent behavior
- Limits and boundaries with some room for negotiation and compromise
- Reasoning and developmentally appropriate consequences and punishments for breaching established limits
- Opportunities to perform competently and make choices
- Absence of coercive, hostile forms of discipline, such as harsh physical punishment, love withdrawal, shaming, and inflicting guilt
- Models of appropriate behavior consistent with self-control, positive values, and positive attitudes
(Successful Marriages and Families p. 105)
“The optimal parenting style is the authoritative parenting style. Authoritative parenting fosters a positive emotional connection with children, provides for regulation that places fair and consistent limits on child behavior, and allows for reasonable child autonomy in decision making” (Successful Marriages and Families p. 108).
FAMILY STRONG 